Self-Care Requires Self-Compassion
Since the onset of COVID-19, the importance and need for investment in self-care has increased dramatically. Our internal resources are being taxed by the social, emotional, and physical stress the pandemic has placed on our well-beings. And we are not only holding space for our own feelings of isolation, overwhelm, and fatigue but that of our families and friends—and a collective conscious as well.
Photo by Tasha Jolley on Unsplash
So, what the F%$# do we mean by “self-care?” It’s all the buzz on IG and Pinterest but what does it mean for you as an entrepreneur, employee, mother, daughter, sister, lover, fighter, explorer, etc.? It means that you create intentional time to invest in taking care of yourself. This can feel tricky right now as many of our tools for taking care of ourselves (social connection, the gym, vacation) are not accessible right now. And it’s easy to focus on the things we can’t do (you’re grieving them…it makes sense), but it’s important to change rooms in your mind and find a space where creativity and innovation can be implanted. I know this is difficult because our bodies and minds feel more focused on survival than being creative. So, we hope this blog can offer you some places to start. These ideas are for experimentation. They are NOT meant to fix you or your feelings.
Self-care starts with self-compassion. In order to invest in taking care of ourselves, we have to see our well-being as something worth investing in. Our tendency is to rip ourselves apart with judgment, criticism, and “shoulds.” Self-compassion requires us to honor the human-ness and approach our rough parts with a bit of tenderness and courage. Self-compassion is telling ourselves “I know this is hard” before we build out a task list. It’s honoring—not wallowing in—the toughness that life is right now. When we can lean in with compassion, we offer a space where it is okay to not be the most capable. Where the broken parts get to be seen for what they are. And then with self-care we can work to tend to the brokenness. Sometimes this means acting with boundaries initially. Telling ourselves we get to think all the toxic thoughts for the next 5 minutes, and then plan to take a shower and cleanse ourselves of whatever may be causing blockage, disruption, pain, overwhelm, and so on. In this way, self-care may not always feel “good.” It may mean we start interrupting some impulsive habits, and that takes the willingness to admit something we are doing is not benefiting us as a whole. Those parts of us are hard to see. But we are arguing that this is even more of a reason to be gentle with ourselves. Our tendency is to reject those parts. But that kind of emotional self-harm only makes those parts of us feel more forbidden, secretive, and sullied.
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Self-care gets to change depending on your internal and external resources. Some days you may have the physical and emotional energy to go for a run. Other days, taking your vitamins is the closest thing to self-care you do. It’s important to meet ourselves where we are at with this process. The most important element about defining something as self-care is the awareness you bring to your acts of self-care. While you engage in self-care, reflect on the impact those gestures have on your stress level. If you tell yourself that eating lunch today is your act of self-care, embody that! Soak it up! Tell yourself that eating your lunch is an act of self-love. Spend intentional time with each bite. Don’t focus on checking the box…the impact won’t be the same.
“Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at. Compassion isn’t some kind of self-improvement project or ideal that we’re trying to live up to.”
What is the point of self-care? I love this question because I think it’s layered. If you are asking this question, then you are probably trying to rationalize why your issues are beyond a bubble bath. And that argument may be true. But let us debunk a few myths associated with this issue. Self-care is not meant to take away your feelings. It is not meant to mend your brokenness. It is not meant to turn your stress into opportunity. These may be fantastic by-products of consistent engagement with self-care activities, but it’s not the purpose. The purpose of self-care is to remind you that you are worthy. By showing the investment in yourself, you are showing yourself that you matter. You matter in entirety. And by doing that, you are supporting your emotional immune system. And to clarify, an immune system is not meant to rid the world of illness. The immune system is meant to combat and protect the host, so that it can continue functioning and thriving amongst illness. Self-care is meant to make us more resilient to the internal and external chaos we face every day. So, if you are participating in self-care, know that you are doing the work that doesn’t always get immediate outcomes. You are working to create a healthy and supportive internal eco-system that honors tough without succumbing to it. You are working to slow down in order to witness “the positive” amongst “the challenging.”
Furthermore, just because Pinterest deemed it as self-care, doesn’t mean that it is for you. Self-care requires us to connect and listen to ourselves. This requires us to SLOW THE F%$#^ DOWN! Take 7 seconds to check-in. Ask the questions: What do I notice? What’s coming up for me? I wonder what it would be like if I [fill in the blank]?
When we get curious, we become less judgmental and more accepting. So, take sometime today, to experiment with self-care. Try new things and then observe the impact.
Ask questions or share your self-care anecdotes below!!